


In All My Dreams Dear, You Seem To Leave Me

by darkangel86



Series: My Sunshine [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Panic Attacks, Protective Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10085471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel86/pseuds/darkangel86
Summary: Simon paced back and forth on Magnus' balcony, his bottom lip bleeding where he'd been biting on it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks so I used what it feels like for me to describe Simon's attack.

Simon paced back and forth on Magnus' balcony, his bottom lip bleeding where he'd been biting on it.

Things had been going so well lately. He'd been living with Magnus in the loft for a little over a week now and he'd been good. Things seemed to have shifted completely with Raphael and that had taken a load off of Simon's shoulders he hadn't even realized he'd still been carrying.

Simon and Jace had been nearly inseparable since he'd moved in and it had helped calm Simon more than he'd known he needed. Even spending time with Alec had helped, as little as the time they'd spent together had been. Magnus, however, had been something Simon hadn't known he'd needed. 

Despite having someone with him round the clock in the past week, suddenly finding himself alone in the loft had triggered a panic attack.

Simon continued to pace on the balcony, every so often glancing over the side of it. He had no intention of jumping. He wasn't even sure how he'd ended up outside in the first place but the loft had felt like its walls were closing in on him so it made sense that he'd take himself outside, even without realizing it.

Reaching into his pocket, Simon pulled out his phone, dropping it instantly as his hands trembled.

“Shit, shit.” Simon muttered as he dropped to his knees in defeat. With a hiccuping sob, he grabbed his phone and pressed the first button his thumb came to. He needed someone. He didn't care who it was. He just needed someone.

“ _Hello_?” Alec's voice came through the phone's speaker and Simon gasped. “ _Simon? Simon, what's wrong_?” Alec called out. “ _Simon_!”

“A-alec. P-please.” Simon stuttered, his phone grasped tightly in his hands.

“ _I'm coming, Simon, I'm coming! I'm leaving now, I'll be there soon, okay? Just breathe for me. Remember what Magnus said when you feel like you can't breathe_?”

“T-take a d-deep breath, h-hold it f-for four seconds, b-breathe out for s-seven.” Simon managed to say.

“ _Good. That's good, Simon. Can you do that? Can you take a deep breath for me_?” Alec asked and Simon could tell he was running as he sounded out of breath himself.

“I-I can't. A-alec. I c-can't.” Simon cried and gasped, suddenly feeling like a vice was squeezing his chest, making it even harder for him to try and breathe. His head ached and his vision suddenly went gray.

“ _Yes, you can, Simon! Yes, you can_!” Alec yelled. “ _Now listen to my voice, okay? I need you to take a deep breath for me and hold it. Do it, Simon, please_.” He begged and Simon drew his knees up against his chest, his back pressed against the cold slabs of stone of Magnus' balcony. 

“Okay. Okay.” Simon gasped. Slowly, Simon took a quick shuddering breath in, trying to fill his lungs with the very much needed air. “Alec.” Simon gasped.

“ _I'm coming, Simon! I'm almost there, you hear me? I'm turning the corner to the loft now. Listen to me, okay? Simon_!” Alec yelled, scared for his friend.

“H-hurry.” Simon gasped breathlessly as tears streamed down his face.

“ _I'm here! Simon, I'm here, just give me a few seconds to_ -” Alec's voice cut off as the front door of the loft banged open. “Simon!” He yelled, looking around wildly and nearly swallowing his tongue when he saw Simon sitting out on the balcony.

Rushing to him, Alec dropped to his knees and pulled a sobbing Simon into his arms.

“Its okay. Its okay. Shh. I'm here now. Its alright.” Alec said as he pulled Simon into his lap, holding the smaller boy and rocking him gently. “I need you to breathe with me now, okay? I'm gonna take a breath and I want you to take one with me, okay? Here we go.” Alec held Simon against his chest as he took a deep breath, waiting for Simon to do the same. “Come on, Simon, please.” Alec tried again and this time Simon managed a quick shaky breath with him.

Alec felt like crying himself.

“That's so good, Simon. So good. Now, let's try again, okay? This time I want you to take a deeper breath and try and hold it for three seconds. Can you do that?” Alec asked as he rubbed his hands up and down Simon's arms.

Simon nodded erratically.

“Great. Here we go. In with me.” Alec instructed as he took another deep breath. He nearly sobbed when he felt Simon do the same. “Good, Simon. That's good. Now let it out. There we go.” Alec buried his face in the back of Simon's neck in an attempt to hide the tears that had filled his eyes.

“I'm, I'm sorry.” Simon spoke, voice choked and Alec tightened his hold just slightly on Simon's arms.

“Nothing to be sorry for. Not your fault.” Alec muttered, still trying to hide how shook up he was. “Wanna take another deep breath for me?” He asked and smiled when Simon did so without hesitation. “Can you tell me what happened? What triggered this?”

“I woke up a-alone.” Simon said with a hiccup. “I haven't been alone s-since the roof and I panicked.” He admitted with shame.

“I'm sorry, Simon. I'm so sorry. I called Jace in to help Izzy with her patrol tonight and I completely forgot that Magnus was still out of the country with a client.” Alec sighed. He'd caused this. Of course it was his stupid fault.

“Not your fault,” Simon broke through his thoughts. “You couldn't have k-known I'd freak out just because I was alone.”

“Doesn't matter. I'm sorry.” Alec whispered into Simon's shoulder.

“Its, its okay. You came when I needed you. I'm okay now.” Simon tried to reassure him as he turned in his arms, looking up and attempting to smile at the older man.

“You feeling up to maybe moving this inside? It'll be a lot more comfortable and I promise, I'm not going anywhere.” Alec assured him.

Simon nodded and stood, holding his hand out to Alec and helping him up.

“Thanks.” Alec muttered as he dusted his knees off. “Do you need anything? Sleep? Blood?” He asked as they made their way back inside. Alec watched as Simon shifted uncomfortably where he stood. “Whatever you need, Simon. You can ask for it.”

“D-do you think, I mean, maybe you could hold me? Like before outside.” Simon dropped his gaze, looking anywhere but at Alec.

Kicking off his shoes and removing his jacket, Alec dropped down onto the couch and held his arms open in silent invitation to Simon. 

“Thank you.” Simon whispered as he practically fell down into Alec's arms.

“I meant what I said before. I'm here for you.” Alec said softly as he wrapped his arms around Simon and held him close. "You are not alone."

“I know. I know.” Simon mumbled, his eyes suddenly extremely heavy.

“Rest now. I'll be here when you wake up.” Alec promised and released a shuddering breath of his own when he felt the last of his tension melt out of Simon as he drifted off to sleep.

That was how Magnus found them, hours later, when he returned home. Still asleep on the couch, Alec with his arms wrapped securely around Simon, both men breathing easily.

“Oh, my sweet boys.” Magnus said softly as he snapped his fingers and covered them with a thin blanket. 

With a gentle kiss to each of their foreheads, Magnus left them to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> I love writing these unexpected friendships and I don't think any are as unexpected as Alec and Simon. So. Yay friendship!


End file.
